A Very Special Southern Indiana Christmas

I promised myself I wouldn't blog until I'd finished a column I had due. Last time I make that mistake. I can barely remember Christmas by now.

So, the highlights. The Saturday before Christmas, my Jeep wouldn't start. Instead of finishing my shopping and wrapping presents, I spent the afternoon resolving complex logistical issues of getting to work that evening and to Southern Indiana the next day.

On Sunday, a Christmas Miracle! The Jeep healed itself and started right up. My brother-in-law sent me to NAPA with a parts list. I spent the morning of Christmas Eve under his tutelage and under the hood of the Jeep, giving it a good tuneup. My hair kept getting caught in the wheels of of the creeper and I ended up with approximately 1/4 of the motor oil in my oil pan in my hair.

FYI, use dish soap when removing motor oil from long hair. Regular shampoo will not work.

I got lectured about how worn my spark plugs were, how much corrosion was in my distributor cap, how the oil looked like molasses, and how the battery terminal cable was probably falling off every time I went over a bump. My BIL did not buy my story that the guys at Jiffy Lube must have backdated the oil filter.

The best part of the trip was Christmas morning. My sister had warned me that she wouldn't be getting me much for Christmas, which is fine. She usually has her husband help her out with buying Christmas gifts, but since he was still paying off medical bills from when she ran over him with the golf cart, she wasn't about to ask him for any Xmas cash.

Imagine my delight, then, when just like the parents in "A Christmas Story," my sister and BIL told me there was one more gift that wasn't under the tree. They brought it out, and there it was, my own version of a Red Rider BB Gun:

You see, one day this summer my sister was visiting me when I was putting new steps on my deck. I threw one of my two shitty drills across the yard when it refused to work. Contrary to popular belief, apparently I WAS a good girl this year!

And yes, it's entirely possible I will put my eye out.

Thanksgiving with a bang

It's difficult for me to pick just one post from Thanksgiving now that I'm back in the land of internet connectivity. It was a great 2-1/2 days.

I never used to care much one way or the other for Thanksgiving, being wedged in between my favorite holiday (Halloween), my birthday, and Christmas. But the past couple of years, it's worked its way up the list, maybe because my family dinner is always "if you're not doing anything else, stop on by" casual, or maybe because it's the only time I ever get a 4-day weekend to do whatever the hell I want without burning precious vacation days.

I think, though, that my favorite picture of many from the holiday is from the shopping excursion my sister and I made. Neither of us care much for shopping, and we sure as hell weren't going anywhere near Wal-mart on the day after Thanksgiving, but nonetheless, I had a few things to pick up, namely, RV antifreeze (to winterize the farmhouse) and firestarters (also for the farmhouse). (To start a fire in the wood stove, not to light the house itself on fire.)

So, after we burned off about 1/2 piece of pumpkin pie at the Y, we crossed the street to the liquor store for a 6-pack, then went to Tractor Supply Co. Words can scarcely describe my love for that store, but this should help:



That's right, 8 feet of empty (I think) Winchester shotgun shells, all festive and lit up for the holly-days! It's gonna be a helluva Christmas!

them's my people

Saturday was my birthday. The first phone call was at 9 a.m., from my brother-in-law. I figured he was calling to wake me up and wish me a happy birthday. I didn't answer it, as I was still in bed and in no mood to converse.

Instead of birthday greetings, however, I had the following message. How could I not be in a good mood the rest of the day?

(delivered in a thick Southern Indiana drawl)
"This is your favorite brother-in-law. I don't know if your sister told you she broke my rib. She ran over me with the golf cart on Halloween night. I figured she might be too embarrassed to tell you. You should give her a call later today and ask her about it. Bye."

Wha? Hooo hooo ha haaaaa!