In a family way

I spent the weekend at the farmhouse. Saturday night I went to my sister's high school reunion with her. The school is so small, they decided to wrap the 30-year reunion for three different classes all into one. That means one of my brothers was also there, along with a slew of our cousins, so it was almost like a family reunion.

Highlights:

* A family friend outed me as being pregnant in front of a large group of people while I was holding a Miller Lite Tall Boy (hey, I'd been looking forward to my weekly beer for days).

Larry (loudly, to everyone and no one in particular): "She's carryin' twins!"
Me (choking on beer, looking up to see my high school psychology teacher, now the school principal): "Uh..."
Larry: "It's OK, she's married!"
Me (as quietly as possible while feeling 20 sets of eyes boring a hole through me): "Actually, Larry, I'm not. I've been divorced over two years."
High School Teacher: "Yeah, that'll happen."

* My brother-in-law at various times promised to get the twins, to use while they visit: car seats for the golf cart, tricycles, bicycles, go-karts, and a pony. I never had a pony. What's the weight limit on those things?

* My sister's friends are calling her grandma. She's 10 years older than I am. It's pissing her off. Hee hee hee.

* Apparently twins run in my family more than I knew. I thought I just had one cousin with twins. Nope, my great-uncle Willie had a twin sister who died at birth, and my grandfather had twin sisters. Yet something else I can blame my dad for.

* I asked my cousin with twins (now in their mid-20s) for any helpful words of wisdom. Her advice was, "Try not to lose your mind. Heh heh, just kidding." I don't think she was.

overheard, 'hood edition

Snippets of actual conversations I heard from my front porch this weekend, in chronological order:

1. (from the next door neighbor's yard)
Fat Crazy Sister: "You are an AIDS-carrying nicker!"*
George: "I ain't a nicker! I'm an Indian!"

*"nicker" was not the word actually being used

2. (from George, sitting on my front porch swing after inviting himself over)
"My sister was born on this swing."

3. (from two teenage girls fighting in the street, surrounded by a crowd, just before the cops showed up)
"You have my hair!"
"I don't have your hair! I ain't never had your hair!"

Sometimes I think traveling is overrated.

B.I.G.'s Big Adventure

*cough*

Jesus, it's dusty in here. Somebody open the windows and air this place out! It's musty as hell from being shut up for so long.

J. you're absolutely right, people who don't update their blogs shouldn't be allowed to have them.

OK, then, here's an (admittedly blurry) photo to clue the two readers I have left in to what's been going on:



What is that? I'll tell you what it is--it's an ultrasound picture of my uterus. And those two round circles in the middle of the picture? Those are heads. Two heads. Of two fetuses (feti?). In my heretofore unoccupied uterus.

Holy fucking shit.

This, by the way, is what those in the journalism profession would call "backing into the story." It's generally not a good way to tell a story. But I'm all about the shock value, really. Seriously, let me get some joy out of this.

Anyhoo, turns out I brought more souvenirs back from March's trip to Austin than I'd intended to. As Heck of a Gal said, most people just buy a t-shirt.

More details, I'm sure, will follow. Until then, I'll just be sitting around, incubating.